Thursday, March 28, 2024

Cast Iron Law Etiquette at Versailles

Kirsten Dunst as “Marie Antoinette” and Judy Davis as “Madame Etiquette” in the 2006 film “Marie Antoinette” depicting a similar scene as to the second anecdote described below. – Image source, Pinterest

STRICT RULES OF ETIQUETTE:
In Ancient France Everything Went by Cast Iron Law

In Baron Rothschild’s recent book of anecdotes he tells some curious tales of the extremely stringent rules of etiquette which prevailed at the French Court in the reign of Louis XVI. Marie Antoinette christened the Comtesse de Noailles, “Madame Etiquette.” Once, when she fell from a donkey in her private grounds, she jumped to her feet and cried out, laughing: “Go and fetch Mme. de Noailles; she will tell us what is prescribed for a Queen of France when she falls off a donkey.”
One cold winter night, when the Queen was undressing, the maid was handing her the chemise de nuit when the lady in waiting came in, to whom, as being of of superior rank, the garment had to be given over. She could not touch it, however, until she had removed her gloves, and before that operation had been performed the Duchess d’Orleans, a princess of the blood, turned up, and after her, the Comtesse de Provence, who was of higher rank still, so that the chemise had to be handed from one to the other, while the Queen stood waiting and shivering. At last, unable to contain herself any longer, she exclaimed: “It is odious! What a nuisance!” — In “The Mirror,” 1896



🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wednesday, March 27, 2024

Ancient Glove Etiquette

This was advertising, among other items, Dents leather gloves as Christmas gifts in 1913 – According to RoyalWarrant.org, Dents in Worcestershire “has manufactured fine leather gloves for over 240 years. The company was established in Worcester in 1777. Today the company continues to practice the traditional glove making skills, to create its fine gloves.” Dents holds a Royal Warrant as “Manufacturers of Gloves By Appointment to: HRH The Former Prince of Wales”
And according to Visit Woodstock.uk.com, Woodstock was a noted centre for the manufacture of sheep and deer hide gloves. These used to be sewn by women working at home, but from the late 19th century, small factories developed in backyards. At one time there were up to ten factories in the town. This one was named after master Edmund Webley and was an active glove factory until it closed in the 1950s.
Woodstock and Worcester leather gloves are of ancient celebrity. In the Middle Ages the giving of a glove was a ceremony of investiture in bestowing lands and dignities. 
In England, in the reign of Edward II, the deprivation of gloves was a ceremony of degradation. The importation of foreign gloves into England was not permitted until 1825. – From Chicago Herald, September 1892


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tuesday, March 26, 2024

Finger Bowls No More in Oregon?

The death of finger bowls was predicted very early in the 20th century, as more and more people traveled by rail and fewer people entertained with grand, multi-course meals. The use of finger bowls wouldn’t truly become uncommon until the 1960’s. Sixty years later, they are a welcome surprise at an exceptionally fine dining event. It’s too bad that very few people have the opportunity to use one, or even the knowledge of how to use them properly. 


SALEM, Ore., Feb. 19. (United Press)— The dear old finger bowl, which was to a restaurant waiter what the whisk-broom is to Pullman porter - the reminder that a generous tip is expected - is joining the Oregon elephant in blissful extinction. It is still used to some extent, but it is not so obvious as of yore.

Early in January the State Board of Health in conference assembled put its germ-killing heel down upon the post-prandial ablution. The board gave restaurateurs thirty days in which to store all finger bowls and ordered them never to allow bowls to appear on patrons' tables again.

The bowls spread germs, these guardians of the state's health maintained. Even scalding fails to kill the little fellows that know no union hours but work the clock around.

Because they were detremental to the state's health, particularly he health of those portions of the state which could afford restaurants where the finger bowl was an important adjunct to the cuisine, the bowls were ruled off the boards by the anti-germ campaigners.

Nowadays— in Oregon - upon the completion of a successful meal, one must seek the nearest sanitary drinking fountain and surreptitiously permit the limpid fluid to trickle over the fingertips in cleanly abandon. And then one uses one's handkerchief to do the drying, or waves the hands about in the air much in the manner affected by the young lady in "The Dance of the Fairies."

Some people doubt if the bowl ever will go out completely in Oregon. Some restaurateur may work up a test case, in which event the evidence introduced in court promises to be interesting. — Madeira Tribune, 1923



🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Monday, March 25, 2024

Our Blue Ribbon Winner for 2023 – Professional Category


For our Third Annual Etiquipedia International Place Setting Competition, first-time competitor, Renita Jackson, was our Blue Ribbon Winner for the Professional category. Renita’s lovely setting for the place setting 2023 contest was a mid-century modern, post-World War II tea place setting for two in a mixture of whites and pinks.
👑 👑 👑 👑 👑 👑
Renita Jackson is a native of St. Louis, Missouri in the United States and the founder of Jackson Etiquette. She is a graduate of Southern Illinois University at Edwardsville where she double majored in Mass Communications and Public Relations. After working in radio broadcasting and customer service in the insurance industry, she was trained in the etiquette business in 2004 at The Etiquette Institute of St. Louis, though her passion for etiquette and doing things the proper way goes back much further in time.
As a little girl growing up in St. Louis, Renita's mother taught Renita and her siblings the different aspects of etiquette and manners simply by consulting an etiquette reference book they had in their home. Those lessons instilled by her mother continue to spark the passion for teaching etiquette that Renita has today.
 
Renita is a member of The Etiquette Institute and has affiliations with The Protocol School of Washington, The American Associations of Etiquette Professionals, and The National Association of Urban Etiquette Professionals (NAUEP) where she was also awarded the organization’s Etiquette Instructor of the Year for 2016 and served as the President of the organization from 2017-2019.
A busy wife, mother and grandmother, Renita
 teaches etiquette classes and social skills workshops to children and adults in public and private schools, universities, community organizations, businesses, and various other organizations.She is also an active member at Church On The Rock, where she serves on the Host Ministry Team and is a Youth Leader for the Uprising Youth Ministry. She has authored and co-authored several books. 
Her motto is: Restoring and refining social graces for everyone every day. You can learn more about Renita at www.JacksonEtiquette.com
Congratulations, Renita!

The simplicity of the typical post-WWII British tea table is reflected in Renita’s table setting elements. Even in 1953, Great Britain was still, like Europe, recovering from the war and was living with, and dealing with, an austere rationing environment. Any display of ostentation was considered in poor taste. The assemblage of roses, combined with the pink floral teapot and gleaming silver tea tray lend an overall note of elegance.

 The following is our interview with Renita:

1. How did you choose the menu and various elements you used in your setting, and why? Please explain each of the utensils at your setting… For which of the foods on your menu (or course) was each different item intended? 
I created a menu to replicate a selection that was a combination of traditional tea savories, such as the cucumber and egg sandwiches, scones, and butter cookies, as well as more contemporary pimento cheese sandwiches and tartlets. 
The savories, to be eaten first, would be placed on the bottom level of the tray. These are finger sandwiches and therefore there is no utensil provided for them. The middle tray holds the scones. There are two dishes on the table for the clotted cream and jam. The scones can be broken open to spoon on the cream and jam if desired. The individual knife on the place setting for spreading the cream and jam.  
The top tray holds the pastries. These are also finger foods and no utensil was provided for them. The small spoon on the place setting is for use with the tea.

2. Why did you choose this particular period in time to set your table? Please go into as much detail as you can. 
• Afternoon tea not only fulfilled a need to ward off the hunger pangs between breakfast and dinner, it was also a social time for the ladies to gather together and enjoy being in the company of other ladies to chat. Ladies would dress up for such a social event that was possibly the highlight of the day. I chose this particular period for my table setting because I think afternoon tea is a perfect and elegant setting for a gathering of friends to enjoy and share in each other’s company.
Afternoon tea not only fulfilled a need to ward off the hunger pangs between breakfast and dinner, it was also a social time for the ladies to gather together and enjoy being in the company of other ladies to chat. Ladies would dress up for such a social event that was possibly the highlight of the day. I chose this particular period for my table setting because I think afternoon tea is a perfect and elegant setting for a gathering of friends to enjoy and share in each other’s company.

3. Have you always enjoyed a properly set table? Or, if not, was the table setting something you learned to enjoy through your social life and/or business later on in life? 
• Yes. In our home, we try to always sit down to family dinner together. We always set the table. It is not always fancy and it may only consist of just a few needed pieces. I have sons and I raised them to learn how to set a proper table. I thought this was important for them to learn and they now know how to dine properly when they are away from home.

4. Did you do any research on table setting etiquette before setting your elements at the table?
• I know some of the basics, but I did review some of my books for ideas.
The embroidered vintage linen napkin adds a dash of color to the white china background on the tea set and milk-glass plates.

5. Do you plan on entering again next year?
 
• Yes, I plan to enter again next year. I was very late getting started this time and entered the competition on the last day or two. I would like to get an earlier start and do a better job.

6. Do you have any special memory they had of watching the Coronation or the Queen’s funeral (if any)?
• I did watch the Queen’s funeral as well as the King’s Coronation. I don’t have any particular memories that I can recall at this time. However, I do recall that everything was done with great elegance and timing.

Elizabeth Soos and I wish to say again, “Congratulations on your Blue Ribbon winning table, Renita!” 👑
 – Maura Graber


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sunday, March 24, 2024

More ‘50’s Manners for Smoking

Don't be sneaky in reaching for a smoke. Take the pack out. Offer around. If a man declines, fine; don't offer the next time. If a woman declines, you re-offer every time you smoke yourself. That's etiquette for you. Say you're with a woman at the theater. Intermission comes and you're dying for a smoke. Your companion doesn't want one. What do you do? Well, Idiot, go out and smoke alone. After all, as Kipling said, a “woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.”

Tobacco Taboos Help Clear the Air

In their eagerness to protect minority rights, lawmakers have neglected the most persecuted minority of them all: Non-smokers. The trouble with the non-smoker is that he is integrated when he would rather be segregated. In church or museum, he may find respite from the nicotine pall, but anywhere else he's fated to burning nostrils, slinging eyes and semi-suffocation. Superiority in numbers, however, doesn't give the smoker the right to spurn certain taboos with respect to his weed. 

These Include: 
  • Don't smoke at religious ceremonies.
  • Ditto at weddings, funerals, dedications. 
  • Don't smoke in sickrooms, either, unless the occupant lights up first. 
  • Don't lay your cigarette on the edge of a table or other piece of furniture. Not only does the table burn; so does the table's owner. 
  • AVOID asphyxiating people. Watch where the smoke drifts when you lay down your cigarette. 
  • And when you finally extinguish the thing, do a bang-up job. Ashes are for ashtrays. 
  • Take a hint If your host or hostess hasn't provided ashtrays, it may mean smoking is frowned upon. There are more no smoking signs than "No Smoking" signs. 
  • That goes for fancy dinner parties, too. The absence of ashtrays probably means one thing: the gourmets prefer their salads unsullied by smoke. 
  • UNLESS you're a hood in a B-movie, clear your mouth of fuming impediments and stogies when talking, shaking hands or tipping your hat. 
  • Don't be sneaky in reaching for a smoke. Take the pack out. Offer around. 
  • If a man declines, fine; don't offer the next time. If a woman declines, you re-offer every time you smoke yourself. That's etiquette for you. Say you're with a woman at the theater. Intermission comes and you're dying for a smoke. Your companion doesn't want one. What do you do? Well, Idiot, go out and smoke alone. After all, as Kipling said, a "woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke." 


Q & A ON P'S & Q'S 
(Q) "I'm job-hunting. During interviews I get jittery and light up a cigarette. Should I?" B. P.

(A) It's poor manners to light up In any stranger's office without permission. It may be disastrous in a job Interview.

By Don Goodwin in “Male Polish,” 1959


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Saturday, March 23, 2024

“He knew a ‘No Smoking’ sign when he saw one, and if he did not see one, he knew the no-smoking places libraries, museums, concert halls, courts, streetcars, day coaches, airfields, most large department stores, etc. It was ridiculous, Bogart knew, to get arrested for smoking in these places when you can get nabbed for something big…”
Bogie the Model Smoker

When the late Humphrey Bogart smoked a cigarette, it was pure art. All the little acts involved lighting up, inhaling, exhaling were handled with devastating ease. But it wasn't put on. The cigarette was part of Humphrey, and ashes never toppled on his vest and smoke never got in anyone's eyes. For years, whenever kids took a fling at smoking, they had a mental picture Humphrey Bogart. Many of them, no doubt, found they couldn't copy Bogie's' technique, so they dropped the habit out of shame. Thus, the man was not a total bad influence. Today there are other movie heroes to imitate, but if a man MUST smoke, he still can't beat Bogie for a model. 

Here are some things he did not do: 
  • HE didn't take chances. He knew a "No Smoking" sign when he saw one, and if he did not see one, he knew the no-smoking places libraries, museums, concert halls, courts, streetcars, day coaches, airfields, most large department stores, etc. It was ridiculous, Bogart knew, to get arrested for smoking in these places when you can get nabbed for something big, like shooting Sidney Greenstreet, for example. 
  • He seldom danced, being a sedentary drinking type, but when he did, he left his cigarette behind. 
  • Neither did he spend a conspicuous amount of time in church. Still, he knew better than to smoke in one. 
  • For that matter, you shouldn't smoke at any religious or ceremonial function, such as a wedding or christening, but the chances of Bogie attending the latter were remote, indeed. 

WHEN he chose to wipe out somebody, he generally used his rod and not his cigarette. He didn't asphyxiate his victim, that is, with clouds of smoke. Polished mobster that he was, he even watched where the , fumes drifted when his weed was at rest. And when he finally extinguished the thing, he did a thorough job, agreeing with Emily Post that nothing induces "nicotine nausea" like a smoldering cigarette. He knew, too, that ashes are for ashtrays. 

If his hostess (or prop man) hadn't provided one, why, Humphrey just didn't smoke. There is no record on celluloid of his putting ashes in his pant cuffs, either. Or in lamp bases. Or in flowerpots. (Okay, so maybe ashes ARE good for flowers, or even rugs. Does this justify flicking ashes on same? Not in Humphrey's book.) He didn't lay his cigarette on the edge of a table or other piece of furniture. His reasoning probably went this way: If the table burns, so will its owner. And if the owner burns, he may rat on me to the cops (not about the table, but about plugging Louie). Then I’ll burn! Even men without this particular concern should be careful where they put their cigarettes. 

Q & A on P's & Q's 

(Q) "Neighbors had my husband and me for dinner recently and when we went to the table my husband took his cigar with him. Between courses he would light it up and take a few drags. I think maybe he had too many Martinis before dinner, but this was no excuse, was it?" Mrs. T. S., Philadelphia.

 

(A) Certainly not. If cigars are smoked at the dinner table at all, it should be after the meal is over. Watch those Martinis, by the way.

By Don Goodwin in “Male Polish,” 1958


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Friday, March 22, 2024

Etiquette for House Guests

Putting feet upon furniture can be seen as highly offensive in general, it’s even worse in cultures and countries in which showing the soles of your feet is considered to be worse than just insulting.

Some Privileges are Reserved for Hosts

"Make yourself at home" is a pleasant little remark that can have unpleasant consequences. They arise when a guest interprets the remark too literally. In treating his host's diggings like his own, he breaches etiquette in a dozen ways. Few hosts, for example, appreciate having a guest prop his feet on furniture. Few hosts rest easy when guests sprawl on antiques, perch on table tops or lean back on chair legs.

Few hosts approve of a guest flicking ashes– even inadvertently – on the rug or tossing cigarette butts in the fireplace. Few hosts wax enthusiastic when a guest puts ashes in vases or flowerpots. Few enjoy seeing him snuff out a cigarette in a cup or saucer – a practice that both offends sensibilities and mars china.

Few cotton to mud tracks on the rug (because a guest didn't clean his shoes) or grease stains on the upholstery from a guest's oily hair. A host can do these things with impunity, if not from his wife, at least from other sources. Guests aren't so lucky.

HOSTS, of course, have other rights than property rights. Additionally they are or like to think they are lords and masters of their own household. 
It's wrong for a guest to usurp this role. He shouldn't, for instance, try to "fix" things in another's home. 
  • If he spots a loose chair leg, he shouldn't call for a screw driver; it suggests the host is a slouch for not having fixed it himself.
  • He shouldn't voluntarily wind clocks, straighten pictures or adjust thermostats. If he's warm, there are better ways to tell the host than throwing up a window.
  • He shouldn't commandeer the telephone, invite friends over, or borrow the host's car without permission.He shouldn't reprove the host's children or order around his servants.He shouldn't monkey with the TV set or arbitrarily substitute Caruso for calypso on the hi-fi. He should reserve even the more subtle hostly rights – such as the right to strew the Sunday papers for the host. Guests, above all, should be tidy. 

Q&A ON P’S & Q'S 
(Q) "When visiting someone, I seldom use the guest towels. 
They're so white and pretty, it seems a pity to soil them. Instead I use the host's towel. Is this wrong?" Н. В. 

(A) It certainly is wrong. Guest towels are not just for show; they are there to be used. Most hosts vastly prefer your using them to wiping your hands on their personal towels. 
By Don Goodwin in “Male Polish,” 1957


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Thursday, March 21, 2024

Etiquette and Paper Napkins

Paper napkins can be very decorative, but they can also can be flimsy. If you choose to use, or must use paper napkins, it is okay to use more than one.  Paper napkins are generally recommended only for the most casual of dining, or for very large parties which would normally require a large abundance of linen cocktail napkins, or when crudités and other types of small finger foods are being served.


Dear Mrs. Post: I have always disliked paper napkins; in fact, when given one in a restaurant I always feel inclined to walk out. But my dislike seems to have become a boomerang. I am giving a large cocktail party, inviting over a hundred people and it is impossible to provide linen napkins for so many people. Do you think paper ones on such an occasion would be permissible?

Answer: At a cocktail party napkins are not necessarily provided. And perhaps if you put your own in a pile on the table, they will be sufficient. In addition to these, you might get some paper ones, to have ready in case your supply runs out.
From Emily Post, “In Good Taste,” 1937


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia